Monday, July 29, 2013

The Anti-Charmer

Fortune in my cookie: "A beauty is someone you notice, a charmer is someone who notices you." charm - to delight or captivate, from charme - Middle English, a magic spell Charming was an adjective sometimes applied to me back in the day. Perhaps charm has no expiration date? Once upon a time, on a Thursday night at a popular east side club, I sat at the bar surveying the crowd. The blues band was on a break. He sidled up to the empty bar stool on my left. He was not someone I noticed, but apparently someone who noticed me, an ordinary looking guy, tall and seemingly self-possessed. He opened with some predictable small talk. Then, apropos of nothing, said, "Prove to me how creative you are in three minutes." I am known by my friends for my wit and the ability to think on my feet, or in this case on my shapely behind. I found myself nearly speechless - for once. Happily I kept my jaw from dropping. Any charm I possessed was vaporized on the spot. The logical thing to say, "Why not prove to me how creative you are," unfortunately never entered my head. I continued speaking, proving nothing and struggling to swallow the cocktail of surprise, disgust and indignation in the back of my throat. What registered on my face? I can't imagine. Having been a teacher I must have manged to keep my expression somewhat neutral, practiced at saying one thing while thinking or feeling another.[You jerk, why should I be in the position of impressing you?] Mr Charmer was not proving to be charmed by my stream of consciousness remarks on the topic of me, and happily decamped to try this on another unsuspecting female. He'd probably come up with this line reading an Esquire advice column - how to pick up girls. Perhaps this was an improvement on (and quicker than) him launching into proof of how creative he could be in three minutes? And maybe slightly less annoying. The band returned and I soon hopped back onto the dance floor displaying some spontaneous, free-spirited dancing. Let him who hath eyes to see...